Conversation Time With Jordan

After much debate, I've decided that Freud was a dick part two will have to wait...I want to write happy tonight. But don't you worry...it's coming! I'm not done with him yet.

It is 7:30pm on a monday, and I am not doing anything I am supposed to be doing. There is a stack of reading that has yet to be done, a paper outline that has yet to be written, a presentation that remains unfinished, and an ever-beckoning pile of laundry on the floor....but don't despair (because I'm not). That's right...instead of tending to my business, I'm blogging. I'm blogging because it makes me happy, but that doesn't mean the rest of my growing to-do list doesn't.

Topic of the day: Being Happy

I have a confession to make. I am totally, ridiculously, undeniably happy. Not just in this moment, but in my life. Last night, as I lay in my bed exhausted from the long holiday weekend, I couldn't sleep. But it wasn't because I was dreading the return of the work week...oh, no. It was because I was giddy with excitement at the morning to come. I remember feeling that way many a time as a child....the night before a vacation, or Christmas Eve, or before my birthday. Usually any special occaision kept me from slumber. However, today wasn't special..and neither is this week. They are just the days of my life, and right now, I can't wait to wake up to them, to live them. But these days are filled with challenges and chores, just like yours. In fact, this is one of the most stressful months of my life. I am learning how to be a mother...a working mother...a working mother who is in school...a working mother who is in school and has several HUGE projects due in the next few weeks. And yet, no matter how much I try to, I cannot logic myself into the anxiety attack I should be having.

But I'm not always this way. In fact, though most people would tell you that I have a cookie-cutter perfect life, I am the type of girl who always finds a way to ruin it. I'm always so sure that, even in the most perfect of times, there is a disaster looming around the corner. Furthermore, I put an insurmountable amount of pressure on myself. In fact, I am rarely very happy at all.

So, what's the deal? Is it my new baby, you may ask? Well, probably partly (I'd be lying if I tried to deny that). But it's something else, too. In fact, the more I live, the more I'd be willing to say that most of any person's happiness depended on that something else. That something is my attitude. (I know, so cheesy, right? But, I don't care. Happy is happy, and there's no sense in trying to be cool about it). Earlier I had this moment. In this moment, I could have been bombarded with stress and irritation. I was folding a load of laundry, listening to my baby cry, trying to figure out if the pork chops in the oven were cooked all the way through, and thinking about the literal ton of homework that I need to get done...and you know what? I felt so lucky. I felt joy in my skill as a homemaker...I felt trust in my husband to comfort our child...I felt creativity in my cooking endeavors, even if I don't really know what I'm doing...I felt excited about the job of learning, a job that, despite it's stress, I love so much. Most of all I felt excitement and hope and joy at the days to come. I felt that giddyness of a child on holiday.

It is in moments like this that I realize that every single thing of life is what you make it. I could spend all my days hoping that everything and everyone around me will make my life turn out how I want it to be...I know well enough that I'd often be dissappointed. The truth is, sometimes things are going to be easy, and sometimes they are going to be really, really hard. But I'm the one with the power. I can make my glasses rose colored if I so choose...and why wouldn't I? One of my favorite songs begins with these words: "To make a mountain of your life is just a choice. But I never learned enough to listen to the voice that told me: Always love."

I want to be that voice tonight...look for the love, people. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill (or a pile of dirt that your could turn into a sand castle). Right now, today's molehill is all you've got. And I promise you, it is something that you can make beautiful.

Happy Monday! Love your life tomorrow...see what happens.